usvsth3m:

You’ve got way too many Facebook friends. You know how it is; that girl from nursery who added you; that odd bloke from the evening class you took in 2009; your mum.

They’re tremendously irritating, but you put up with them. Because we’re all annoying and all stuck with each other.

1. The girl who always tells you to “Like and share if you’re against cancer”

“90% of people don’t have the guts to change their FB status.” “One Like = One Prayer.” What they’re really saying is “Pay me some attention, or you’re wishing cancer upon all your loved ones. I’ll give them cancer! Acknowledge me, dammit!”

2. The stupido who always falls for the latest scam

Every time without fail. Giant spiders, Satanic soft drink logos, coughing to ward off heart attacks. But don’t bother correcting them - they’ll only get defensive. “I was only trying to raise awareness!”

3. The Facebook gaming addict

Mastered Fruit Ninja and Farmville and Candy Crush, but never the privacy settings, so your FB feed turns into a fruit machine of high scores and unlocked “achievements”.

It’s boring to show a string of annoying alerts, so here’s a picture of Daft Punk, doing an impression of your FB feed.

4. The new exercise fan and his fancy pedometer

Like the Facebook games person, but with an additional passive-aggressive slap - nobody wants to be told “I’m so much fitter and healthier than you fat slobs”. We want to see a pedometer that detects when you’ve trod in dogshit and immediately Tweets it.

Read More

<3

(via bpoppins)

(Source: sheslump, via bpoppins)

LMAO #shade

(Source: fromcydonia, via crissle)

If only people were sick, psycho, crazies…

(via likewater4chocolate)

notunlikepride:

Congrats On Your Face | Nathan Stewart-Jarett

Everyone wants to look good, but I dress to be comfortable… I like things that I can move in and I just go with my mood that day. Or with whatever comes to hand!

(via likewater4chocolate)

• *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
• Man:Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
• Employee:Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
• Man:I never filled out an application.
• Employee:Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
• Man:No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
• Employee:Well, but that doesn't-
• Man:AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
• Employee:But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
• Man:OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
• Employee:Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
• Man:Well no, but what does that matter?
• Employee:...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
• Man:Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
• Employee:That...doesn't make any sense.
• Man:NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
• Employee:
• Man:
• Employee:
• Man:Fuck you, slut.